Friday, February 28, 2014

Narcissistic People - What Can You Do About Them?



I just finished looking over information about narcissists and I was motivated to publish this article about my own dealings with someone that I believe definitely had a narcissistic personality. 

I don't think I would be exaggerating by saying that she had hundreds of pictures of herself on her Facebook account - not she and other people, just her. Actually, I don't remember seeing pictures of anyone but her on her Facebook. It was ridiculous! She also told me some things about herself that I won't repeat here that, as ridiculous as the details are, confirmed that she thought exceedingly highly of herself and thought nothing of others. Simply put, she was so selfish. She would manipulate others to have her way, constantly interrupt others, insult others by being condescending, retell stories to make others believe that everyone is out to get her (move out of the way professor from A Beautiful Mind), and boy was she a moocher. Not only did she frequently mooch money (despite the fact that she worked), but also time and energy, and no, she was not grateful. I think that she believed the world owed her something for being born or something. I had to write that chick off. I do not have the patience of Dr. Phil to deal with narcissistic people in my life. She always wondered why no one wanted to hang with her. I'm sorry, but it was totally her. A whole town cannot be wrong. 

Here is the topping on the cake: Despite the fact that she always took pictures of herself, would toss her fake hair like a top model, and thought that every guy (no exaggeration) was interested romantically in her, she remained single because guys thought she was a joke. Well, women, too. I overheard many comments from men in passing about her hair and her weirdo personality (yes, she was very weird on top of being narcissistic). She was the joke in the sense that one guy would be talking about how he would like to meet someone special, and the other guy would say, You'd better get with "Rita", and they'd laugh and the conversation would go on from there. People wouldn't have full blown conversations about her, but when they mentioned her it was always in relation to something negative about her. To be somewhat fair, they were talking about brief encounters they had with her or things they briefly observed, but I was in the trenches. I knew the full story of how bad it really was, and she was the one telling me her own bizarre thoughts about the world around her.

Personally, I tried very hard to befriend her and was uneasy about just getting rid of her because she didn't really have any friends and I was trying to be nice. But enough is enough. I wish her the best in life, but I no longer wish to be a part of it because it was very taxing on me and it turned toxic. It got to the point where every time I left her I felt worse about myself than when with her, and I was almost consumed with the thought of how to leave her out of things I wanted to do, because if she found out something, every single time she asked if she could go. I'm like, If I wanted you to come, I would have asked you to come. Enough is enough. And as bad off as her life is, she was always trying to give people advice - bad advice, might I add. 

One thing I did learn from her is not to get too close to new people too fast. Now what I will do is hang with someone once. If they are telling me all their business, becoming overly familiar, or practically begging me to hang with them a second time, that's the sign for me to cut them off right then and there. She taught me that I hate clingy people. Excuse me, the politically correct way to put that is to say that I hate it when people are clingy. Whatever. Anyway, I can't stand it, and I wouldn't put myself in that situation again for anything. 

I also had the lesson reiterated to me that if multiple people have the same problem with a person, it's the person who needs to change. Like I said, a town does not lie. In fact, if two people independently have the same complaint about someone, that is enough to suggest that the person has a problem. So if people keep complaining to you about something - you drink too much, you have a bad odor, you are rude, etc. - listen. The problem is you. I see that this is a lesson that repeat divorcees have a hard time learning. 

What do you think? Who are the narcissistic people in your current or past life and how did you deal with it? Did that experience change you in any way or how you view things?

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