Saturday, November 30, 2013

I Hate Him!

I love my fiancé! I only want to spend all of my time with him for the rest of my life. I feel whole when I am with him and incomplete when he is gone. We spend so much time together that we have been likened to a two-headed monster. He is absolutely wonderful. But then there are times that I want to strangle him with one hand while beating him over the head with a lead pipe with the other. That is how I feel right now. Here are my worthless two cents on why.

It all started with a dream I had last night. Without all of the disturbing details, I married someone else, realized it was a huge mistake, tried to call my real life fiancé, James (name changed), and could not find him. I was panicking because I didn’t know where he was, but then I decided to simply call his phone and he answered. I was so overcome with emotion in the dream that it woke me up. When I saw him this morning, I told him about the dream, showered him with hugs and kisses, and told him that I was so appreciative the dream was not real that I was going to spoil him today and we can do whatever he wanted to do.

We drove around for five and a half hours from store to store looking for my wedding dress and the accessories to his suit. I found my dress and he found everything he needed except the shirt he was looking for. During this time, he was majorly pissing me off. Why, you ask?

The first strike is that he was constantly criticizing my driving or complaining about other things that went wrong. Either I was driving too fast, too slow, in the wrong lane, driving on a street that was too busy when I should have gone taken back roads, chewing too loudly, chewing too softly, or looking too tired. And while I was driving he kept repeatedly hitting me playfully which was so irritating.

The second strike is when we were looking for buttons that match his vest so that I could sew them on to his suit to make it appear like they are a part of the same set. Before heading out to the crafting stores I told him that we could check with all three stores in our area, and he agreed. Then when it came time to go to the last one in the busiest area, he wants to throw a hissy fit. That store also did not have the buttons but I decided to get some yarn to make him a scarf. He did not find out why I bought the yarn until later, but at the time he kept saying in an irritated tone, “Yarn? Why are you getting yarn?”

The Third strike came when we got back home and I started cooking a meal that he described as outstandingly good and crocheting his scarf while it was cooking. While I was in the living room alone, he was in the bedroom playing stupid computer games. I have told him a million times that I don’t like when he plays games while I am home because I feel like I am being neglected. That man can sit there and play for hours if I don't say anything. Yet again, that is exactly what he was doing while I was waiting over an hour for the food to finish.

The third strike came when he invited his friend to come over the second time. Let me back up a bit. The three of us usually hang out at my house or the friend’s house. James invited the friend over earlier in the evening around 6:00PM, but he never showed (not unusual for this particular friend who is very indecisive). James, who knows that we have to get up at 4:30AM, calls the friend at 10:00PM to see if he is still coming. Based on the one side of the conversation that I could hear, the friend did not feel like coming over anymore but James talked him into coming over 5to eat. Let me rephrase that. James talked him into coming over to eat the little bit of leftovers that one of us could have eaten at another time.

The friend comes over, brings Django for us to watch (a movie I found to repulsive and disturbing enough to send me running for refuge in my room after two terrible Leonardo Dicaprio scenes), eats up my leftovers, gossips with James about the same people in the same way that he always does, and then leaves James and I arguing up until I composed this blog around midnight and am finishing up after 2:00AM.

People, I was not planning on speaking a word of this to James, but he came in the room where I was at composing this entry and asked what was wrong. I told him that for one thing it is 12:45AM and we have to be up at 4:30AM and the friend brings a ridiculous movie to my house to watch that he should have known I would not be into at all.

The thing that pissed me off royally is that my boyfriend briefly apologized before turning the conversation into a discussion about himself and his past, and how he feels like ones that he deals with are judging him and treating him badly. I’m like, Hello! Is that the best apology you can come up with, Sorry Erica, but I’m a victim too? Please! He went on and on about that for ten minutes. Then he gets upset with me that I am still upset with him because I should understand that he is dealing with other things.

People, I am not being unreasonable. I love James dearly, but he has some flaws when it comes to being considerate of me. He thinks that he does great in that area, but he is terrible. I can give a million examples if I wanted to, but let’s start with a few: Last night he tells me – not asks me, tells me – that we are going with a female friend of ours and her children to a black Friday event at 10:00PM to provide them with protection and company, something that she did not ask for; whenever the friend that came over wants to do something with us, he will find a way to make it happen, no matter how inconvenienced I am; When it comes to money and we are down to our last dollars, he would rather spend it on beer for himself than on something we both need like a little food or tissue; I will have done nine things right around my house, but if he comes over and sees that tenth little thing out of place he will go on and on about it; When we went to the beach not too long ago, we spent most of our time doing what he wanted to do, driving from thrift store to thrift store; When we get out of the car, he will take off instead of waiting for me to get my purse out of the back seat; While we are shopping and I tell him to hold something so I can have a hand or both hands free to look through something he huffs and puffs. The boy is just plain inconsiderate!

There is something funny about all of this, though. Clearly the evening started going swiftly downhill when he talked his friend into coming over. This is right after a long conversation we had about being inconsiderate! Here is how it went down: We were sitting on the couch and I was silently reflecting on the day, and I was getting fed up. I told him that he could never spoil me that way that I spoiled him today. He got a little salty and said he didn’t know how I could even suggest such a thing because he loves me so much and will do anything for me. I told him that because of the way he is, there is no way that he would go along with every event that I pick for a day, listen to my R&B music without complaining the way that I listened to his dreadful heavy metal, take a barrage of criticism about everything throughout the day without retaliating, come home to cook a delicious meal, and feel good enough about me after all of that to make a scarf or any other gift for me. That was sobering for him to hear. He was hurt, but he could not deny that he could never do for me that way I did for him today. After having a conversation about being considerate, he is even more inconsiderate with this whole friend nonsense. Even I have to laugh at that one as furious as I am right now.

While I’m venting, there is something I have been thinking about recently that has also been making me upset. James is great romantically when we are alone and he knows all the right things to say and do, but I am upset that he has never made a public declaration of love for me, or went out of his way to make me feel special while around others. Guys, if you don’t hear anything else that I have to say, hear this: The special woman in your life wants a public display of affection, that special date where you do something passionate or even silly romantic to let others know that you are willing to be a fool for her.

At least do that much for her when you propose. James did not even do that, and I revealed to him a few weeks ago that I regret not having that special day where he proposed. When other women tell of how their man proposed, they oftentimes have that a glow in their eyes as they remember the romantic mood, him getting on one knee and popping the question, and her enthusiastic response. When people ask me, I really don’t know what to say. Here is what happened: We always knew that we would end up together, so we had a series of conversations about when to do it. Then we began searching for a ring and I picked one out while we were at the beach.

That’s it. No candlelight, no getting down on one knee, no enthusiastic response from me. He didn’t even put it on my finger; as soon as the cashier gave me the ring, he walked off to look at something else in another store. I know he loves me more than life, but he is taking me for granted big time. On the other hand, he did feel really badly when I told him that I regret not having the proposal that all women want, but he still has not done anything since to show the world that I’m his girl and he’s my man.

Now that I wrote this blog, I do feel a little bad. I don’t want people thinking that I am with the big bad wolf. He is really a great guy, just a bit rough around the romantic edges. Tomorrow, I’ll try to get right an entry all about how wonderful he is, but as for today, I’m still pissed off.

Ladies, what does your man do that makes you want to tear him a new one? Men, what does your woman constantly complain about you that you know is true? And guys, don’t worry. I’ll be ripping into the ladies in a future article.

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